God is Aware

Yesterday afternoon, Little Man was playing with his toys in our room and he carefully cradled a little bear in his arms.

"Here, Mom. Here's a baby for you," said in the sweetest whispered voice as he laid this baby in my arms. "I'm Jesus. This is the baby. And you are the parent." He stood right next to my side and peacefully smiled at the baby bear in my arms. 

I couldn't help but smile and stare at the amazing child at my side! "No, Mom. You can't see me. Look at the baby," he said as he pushed my face, so I wouldn't look at him directly. "Oh! You need two babies. Here's another one." Running over to his Donald Duck and gently laying him in my arms next to baby bear.

How is it possible that this little 4-year-old knows the longing in his mother's heart to have more precious little ones like himself? I don't talk about it. I try to keep the tears at bay when asked, "Don't you want more kids?" or "Are you planning on more kids?" My response is always, "Well, when the Lord wants to send us more, then that's when it will happen."

Which is true and I believe with all my heart, but some days it's just hard. Period. 

I do let myself cry, it's usually at night or when I have a moment alone. Crying helps me to feel and once the tears have stopped I feel renewed and ready to face another month of disappointment. 

But there is One who knows my heart intimately. I have this constant open prayer with the Lord. I don't know what I would do if I did not have a relationship with my Savior. The heartbreak would be too much for me to bare. I know I need to continue with patience and trust in the Lord's timetable...sometimes that's much easier said than done. But I continue to work on faith. And patience. 

I know the Lord is aware because then He sends me little moments like yesterday and I am reminded that He has not forgotten me. There are more Little Miracles waiting as patiently in heaven as I am here on Earth. And that is enough. I will continue to cherish each and every little moment with my sweet Little Man because he is enough. Little Man is my miracle and my joy.