God is Aware

Yesterday afternoon, Little Man was playing with his toys in our room and he carefully cradled a little bear in his arms.

"Here, Mom. Here's a baby for you," said in the sweetest whispered voice as he laid this baby in my arms. "I'm Jesus. This is the baby. And you are the parent." He stood right next to my side and peacefully smiled at the baby bear in my arms. 

I couldn't help but smile and stare at the amazing child at my side! "No, Mom. You can't see me. Look at the baby," he said as he pushed my face, so I wouldn't look at him directly. "Oh! You need two babies. Here's another one." Running over to his Donald Duck and gently laying him in my arms next to baby bear.

How is it possible that this little 4-year-old knows the longing in his mother's heart to have more precious little ones like himself? I don't talk about it. I try to keep the tears at bay when asked, "Don't you want more kids?" or "Are you planning on more kids?" My response is always, "Well, when the Lord wants to send us more, then that's when it will happen."

Which is true and I believe with all my heart, but some days it's just hard. Period. 

I do let myself cry, it's usually at night or when I have a moment alone. Crying helps me to feel and once the tears have stopped I feel renewed and ready to face another month of disappointment. 

But there is One who knows my heart intimately. I have this constant open prayer with the Lord. I don't know what I would do if I did not have a relationship with my Savior. The heartbreak would be too much for me to bare. I know I need to continue with patience and trust in the Lord's timetable...sometimes that's much easier said than done. But I continue to work on faith. And patience. 

I know the Lord is aware because then He sends me little moments like yesterday and I am reminded that He has not forgotten me. There are more Little Miracles waiting as patiently in heaven as I am here on Earth. And that is enough. I will continue to cherish each and every little moment with my sweet Little Man because he is enough. Little Man is my miracle and my joy.

Once There Was A Snowman...

Starting back in January, we decided as a family to start our mornings with a little devotional. We first recite an Article of Faith (one a month, so we are memorizing it), then we say a scripture (again, one a month, so we are memorizing it), sing a song, then say a prayer. It's been a fabulous thing for our family!

The only thing that has not changed in the four months we've been doing morning devotional is our song. And guess who picks it? Yep. Little Man. And that song is "Once There Was a Snowman."

The song goes:

Once there was a snowman, snowman, snowman,
Once there was a snowman, tall, tall, tall.
In the sun he melted, melted, melted.
In the sun he melted, small, small, small.

Oh, and there are actions to it...you stand up tall then slowly melt to the floor.

Well, in Little Man's Sunbeam class at church they added a second verse:

Once there was a seedling, seedling, seedling,
Once there was a seedling, small, small, small.
In the sun it grew, grew, grew.
In the sun it grew, tall, tall, tall.

So, once you are "melted" on the floor then you stay on the floor until you start growing taller again.

As much as I love singing this song every single morning, I was not seeing any gospel principles in this song. And I realize that not everything has to have a gospel bent to it, but this morning I finally found it!

When faced with trials--when the sun is beating down on us--if we are like the snowman then we won't have the capability to withstand the trial. We will fail. But if we are like the seed, when that sun is beating down on us, we will grow and grow and grow. There would be no limit to how large we could become. And the larger we become the deeper we are rooted to the ground.

I guess it's okay that we continue to sing this song. every. single. morning. :)

Dancing on Sunbeams

Earlier this last week I had Little Man sitting on my lap trying desperately to get his shoes on so we could run out the door to get Mimi to the airport on time. I was feeling frantic and Little Man was just not moving fast enough for me.

"Mom! Mommy! Look!"

I looked to where his little finger was pointing and I noticed the beautiful morning sunlight pouring through the cracks in our blinds. It really was gorgeous. I love that hazy morning light...that's probably why I am a morning person.

"Yeah, look at that Little Man. You see the sunshine."

"No, Mommy! Look!"

I again looked to see what he was pointing at. Again, nothing really changed. Just sunlight pouring in.

"Look!"

Finally, I put on lenses-of-a-3-year-old. There, dancing and twirling and swirling and twisting in the beams of light were little dust particles.

It's the little things... :)

The Waiting Game

Last November I went to Time Out for Women for the first time. It was such a wonderful weekend, and not just because I got to sprawl in a King size bed all to myself...although that was a MAJOR perk.   I had made some new friends and enjoyed every minute of the musical talent and speakers.

But it was the very last speaker on the last day who was meant for me. Her message answered so many questions that I didn't realize I was asking. Heavenly Father had heard my pleas and loving gave me my answer.

Laural Christenson spoke about those times of waiting that we all have in life. She went on to list 4 things that will help, I guess you could say, during these times of waiting:

1. Feel Your Feet...sometimes it feels like we are going nowhere, but we are moving...we need to "Be Where Our Feet Are"...why worry about a future we don't know...put our focus on the present...Mormon 5:23, "Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?"
2. Trust The Math...Doctrine & Covenants 82:10, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise."...He is bound when we obey...obedience in = blessings out...stop worrying about what you can't control.
3. Live As If...the Lord's time frame for you has been in place and still is...there is an end-date to your waiting...the Lord isn't worried.
4. God Waits, Too...fervent prayer can avail much!...am I ready? is i really the Lord's will? am I ready to receive? what if God has something better?....He's not wasting our time...PRAY! DREAM! BELIEVE! (Jeffrey R. Holland "Terror, Triumph, and a Wedding Feast")

I'm sure I didn't capture completely what was said and those are just some of my notes that I had taken, so I apologize for being all over the place.

I can list a multitude of things that I've been waiting for: an actual home with a backyard--no more apartment living; 500 pounds (ok, not really that much) to drop off this body of mine; student loans to be paid off; cars to be paid off; no more money worries.

But at the top of my "Waiting For" list is the hopes of another child. It's been about 18 months now, so I have been recalling this talk almost daily. 

I have tried hard to not focus on the fact that my age is creeping up and my belly is not pregnant. I try to focus on the present, what is here and now.

Being a part of the Relief Society Presidency I am able to serve the sisters in my ward on a daily basis. I feel as if I am serving more than I used to, but that could be that I am just more aware of the sisters than I used to be. Therefore, my focus is no longer on my own plight, but on the heartaches and struggles and victories that are on the faces of these women that are absolutely wonderful Women of God.

Little Man is sprouting up like CRAZY and I've finally realized that he is one lucky boy to have all of this devoted time from me--no sharing with a new baby. And I'm one lucky momma to be able to spend quality time with him and see all of his "firsts" first.

The one point that's has been getting me is "God Waits, Too." Hmmmm....I know that I have been going about asking for a child all wrong. I think that God is waiting for me to change something about me or something about the way I am asking.

I feel a bit like Elastigirl from The Incredibles, stretching and stretching--all parts of me. I know that God will keep pulling until He knows I'm finally in that place He knows I need to be, and when I snap! back in place I will be a whole new spiritual me....I won't look the same. And that's exactly how I want it.

So, until then, I continue to play The Waiting Game. I don't know what the score is at the moment, but just know at the end there will be two winners: the Lord and me.

The Exclamation Heard 'Round the Chapel

Everything was silent while the sacrament was being passed at church last Sunday. Our ward is really small and there are a total of about 10 kids that come regularly. But this Sunday all the families with children were either gone or not there yet, so any noise made by Little Man was heard throughout the chapel and everyone knew it was Little Man!

Well, Little Man was desperately trying to worm his way around my crossed legs so he could go out to the foyer to get water from the drinking fountain. I kept trying to tell him that if he just waited the water would be coming around soon. Telling a 3-year-old to "wait just a minute" is like asking him to wait a year in toddler time.

Somehow I corralled him long enough and distracted him from his escaping endeavors to make it until the blessed water came around. The Elder brought the tray of water to our pew. I took my little cup and drank it, then passed it on to my mom--Mimi--and Little Man. Little Man, upon seeing the tray of water, piped up loudly, "Oh! Water! Yummy!" and got half the water in his mouth and the other half down his sweater.

Yep! Everyone heard that one. I guess it was better than the time, a few weeks before, when he started meowing like a cat after taking the bread....don't ask! It's all from some videos Mimi showed him!

I feel so blessed to take the sacrament each week in church and to be able to renew my covenants with Heavenly Father in that sacred act. But I need to be relishing the joy that comes from the sacrament--I'll just quietly shout "Yummy!"on the inside.

Thank you, Little Man, for teaching me, yet again!

If a Tampon is What Makes You Happy...

On Tuesday I was at Michael's picking up some supplies for Relief Society Night. Standing behind me was this cute mom with the most adorable little girl. She was probably 18 months old, or so, and was calmly sitting in her stroller, smiling her dimpled smile.

Me: "She is adorable!"

Cute Mom: "Thank you. I'm doing all I can to keep her happy! And today her choice of toy is the tampon."

I had no idea what she was talking about...until I glanced at Adorable Little Girl's clenched fist. Yep! There was a wrapped in plastic tampon in her hand--the type without an applicator.

I couldn't help but laugh!

Me: "Well...whatever makes you happy!"

So, if it's a tampon that makes you happy, then hold on to that tampon and enjoy the moment! :)

Failing the Balancing Act

I've been feeling like my life is out of control chaos lately. I feel the balance scales of my life are completely lopsided. Instead of trying to get things to balance out I've been wasting time on the usual things...Facebook, Pinterest, Hulu, Netflix, and who knows what else!

The other day I noticed my 3-year-old son, Little Man, singing--imperfectly--along with a song on some show that he was probably watching for the umpteenth time. Tears started to slip out of my eyes as I realized that I was letting these precious moments slip by. How did I make these "other" things more important than my son?! I have decided to get my life back in balance.

There have been so many blessings in my life, both big and small, and they have all kneaded and molded me into who I am and who I choose to be. I want to be that person who finds the ups in the downs and keeps my optimism optimistic.

Goodbye to time wasters! Hello to recognizing and appreciating all the blessings in my ordinary life!